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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321994">Alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bemna/pseuds/Bemna'>Bemna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bad Ending, Character Study, Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:01:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>958</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bemna/pseuds/Bemna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After all this time there was only the Ceaseless Watcher and its Archive</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is reaaaaally angsty guys, fair warning, because my way to cope with knowing that tma will have a bad ending is thinking up the worst end possible and then going like "hey the real ending wasn't that bad" and then reading fix it fics!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jon was afraid. <br/>Someone would think that after so much time relieving the fears of others, so many different ways of experiencing what is, in essence, the same agony, the same heart stopping terror down to his bones he would get used to it. </p><p>He thought that after so much time he would not be afraid, or at least less afraid but no, he felt it with the same intensity he had felt the first time he experienced it, the same intensity that he Knew Hannah, Tessa and so many more people had felt.</p><p>Fear was a funny thing wasn't it?</p><p>But it still wasn't strong enough to distract him from the presence that pushed insistently into his conscience calling for his attention from the deepest parts of his own mind. Was it his own mind when he felt the lives of so many people, how they ended? When he couldn't See where he ended and the Eye started? When everything he felt was an all encompassing fear and the deep, right satisfaction that it brought?</p><p>He was crying. And wasn't it surprising that he still could feel? Sometimes he wished he could just forget. He should have forgotten already but preserving The Archive is The Beholding's most important duty now. It would never let go of its only source of sustenance. </p><p>It wasn't difficult to keep The Archive from decaying. The absence of time meant that it never needed to be fed and from the moment it had began to build itself all the fragile parts, the weak parts, started to get replaced with the essence of Beholding statement after statement. As long as the Ceaseless Watcher existed the Archive would exist too. </p><p>And this was something Jon Knew. Something that he now accepted.</p><p>When had he lost that last glimmer of hope? When had he accepted that there would be only this? Only the gaze of the Eye over him while he relieved every single experience he had deep inside himself. Over and over again for all eternity. </p><p>At first when the End had started claiming people he thought that finally it would stop and deep into the panopticon he thought that the end was coming for him filling him with relief and joy because Jonah Magnus would Know that it came for him too.</p><p>And eventually it did, he hadn't been the last one standing, that title belongs to Oliver Banks who survived until his entire stopped existing because the End couldn't feed from him since he had already accepted it. Because even when the avatars thought themselves superior to the rest they were still humans chained to their God, feeding it one way or another and meeting their end when their time came.</p><p>Jonah had thought that he would survive it all but he still felt so much terror for the End, he could only delay the inevitable. At first Jon had been happy because of this. He wasn't a vengeful person (was he even a person anymore?) But if someone deserved the horror and long agony that came to the victims of Oliver Banks it was Jonah Magnus. </p><p>Now though? Now Jon missed his company. Any kind of company that wasn't the grilling stare of the only thing keeping him here. Keeping him from the release that death brought.</p><p>The End had brought him hope for such a long time, like the grains of sand in a hourglass he saw how people slowly oh so slowly started disappearing and he thought that one day he would be one of them but he couldn't Know the future and at this point he'd already given up Looking for a solution and just let his sight drift where the Eye wanted it.</p><p>At first it was the animals that died because the fear of the End in humans is much more complex and can be dragged for such a longer time. </p><p>Then it was their turn. <br/>Jon watched and felt how the humans left other domains and disappeared down in the roots. <br/>After loosing their source of fear the avatars that thought this new world would be their kingdom were the ones to endure that long suffering at the hands of their so called saviours. Fear is fear and their gods were deaf to their pleas as they consumed them until they were too no more.</p><p>When everyone but him was gone he Knew why that was. The Archive wasn't like them. Jon was too close to his God to abandon him looking for the End.<br/>While the rest of existence; humans, avatars and entities slowly starved to death feeling that deep terror Jon had been watching and drinking it all in. So much time of watching the same suffering on repeat making it part of himself, part of the archive and locking it into himself. Beholding isn't like the rest. This endless repeat of suffering is forever fresh in him and with Seeing the entities end, feeling their terror he Knew them too. The Archive could keep feeding all that terror to the Eye always.</p><p>The End was the last entity to disappear. The Eye Knew that with The Archive it would never end and Jon didn't fear it but had wanted it for such a long time… <br/>It died and maybe that was the moment he lost all hope.</p><p>Or maybe he had given up sooner when the last of his anchors died. When his reason to live was taken from him.</p><p>He wished he could forget but he Knew that he would just keep existing forever fearing feeding his God, being its Archive as it Looked into him in delight.</p><p>….</p><p>……..</p><p>…..</p><p>.<br/>.</p><p> </p><p>How much time has passed already? Oh, 152,727 years…</p><p>.</p><p>.<br/>.<br/>.</p><p>…..</p><p> </p><p>(..............)</p><p>.<br/>.</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>He missed Martin</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope it was understandable because I'm not an experienced author AT ALL and I just wrote this because last episode made me sad. Also not a native speaker so...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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